Commentariat Awards: The Winners

Hey guys, welcome to the 2012 AV Club Awards Week! Today we finish this shit with the meta, self-serving commentariat awards. Unless otherwise noted, the other nominations are in no particular order. Let’s finish it up!

Other nominations: Yee Yee, JimTreacher, HipsterDBag, Idiotking, vicksisamonster, Scrawler, Craig J Clark

Other nominations: Tarkovsky’s Former AD, The Crusher Reborn, Reposted YouTube Comments, Reposted Avenged Sevenfold Fan, Reposted Daily Mail Comments, Random Acts of Costanza, JimTreacher

Other nominations: Chico von guacamole’s banning, Lobster1′s comments, HipsterDBag on Gina Torres’s face, Firsties, 90% of comments by JimTreacher

Other nominations: Beer Club, Fashion Club, Sweet Clam

Other nominations: THIS IS MY LAST RESORT, [FARTS], Anne Hathaway, FLAGGED!, Lisa Needs Braces, Dental Plan!, OF COCK

Other nominations: Yee Yee, Dikachu, Craig J. Clark, Aurora Boreanaz, Gentle Herpes, Red, Walking NPR

Other nominations: Cookie Monster, Reposted Youtube Comments, Reposted Avenged Sevenfold Fan, Rappin’ Jake Sisko, Various Stan Lees, Ben Wyatt Fanfiction, The Taco Bell bell

Other nominations: E. Buzz Miller, Grr. Argh., The Hero of Akron-Canton, Cookie Monster, K. Thrace, Nathan Ford’s Evil Twin, Gary X

Other nominations: HipsterDBag, Yee Yee, fastandsloppy, Ben Folds Fan, Guy with Tourette’s Syndrom

Other nominations: Generic Indie Kid, Gary X, ChocolateStigmata, Yee Yee, True Pud

Other nominations: PugsMalone on fantasy themed meals, Kara Thrace breaks down the Higgs Bottom, Jean-Luuc Lemur explores the Star Wars EU, Scrawler writes in her diary, brulio2415 gets into the terrifying psyche of Twilight with brevity, paragrapher identifies Jonah Hill’s next role, Captain Dada spoils Alan Rickman’s new film

Other nominations: Wax Tom Cruise opens up about suicide and how to get help, Afghamistam critiques another commenter’s nitpicking of Homeland, Fourth Side of the Eternal Tri’s defense of Mad Men, Gaeuphat’s 100,000 Community Finale Comment, HipsterDBag weighs his life decisions and finds himself wanting

COMMENTER OF THE YEAR

20: Yee Yee

19: The Narrator Returns

18: Al Capwne

17: Gary X

16: Fastandsloppy

15: HipsterDBag

14: Grr. Argh.

13: Miller

12: Dikachu

11: Lux Lisbon

10: ZODIAC MOTHERFUCKER

9: Archmage of the Aether

8: Kirk Cameron Left Me Behind

7: K. Thrace

6: Nathan Ford’s Evil Twin

5: Hero of Akron-Canton

4: E. Buzz Miller

3: Craig J. Clark

2: Scrawler

Love the winners? Hate the winners? Sound off below, complain to me on The AV Club or whine on me at twitter @guyneiljames.

And that’s it! We’re done! Thanks for making this completely not a bust–that way I only looked kind of stupid in this whole thing–and hope you guys enjoyed it. Look forward to 2013 so long as the world doesn’t end sometime today. Leave any general comments or suggestions you have about the whole thing below too, so we can make it even better next year. Together. Like a fucked up family.



  • Reposted_Daily_Mail_Comments

    Cookie!! cookie, cookie, cookie!! Me love cookie – give cookie, NOW!!! COOKIE COOKIE COOKIE!!! Sesame Street was useless, but the Cookie Monster is eternally cool. Bravo!! – Terence Anthony Staines, Ilfracombe, Devon, England, 7/11/2009 22:07

    • Cookie_Monster

      Me not think of better person to make first comment than gimmick poster. Anyway, me want to thank Academy. Me want to thank Gary X for setting up whole crazy award thing. Me feel like winning award make all of countless hours spent commenting on pop culture instead of working worthwhile. What’s that? Me fired? For spending too much time commenting on pop culture web site? Me wasted life!

      • GaryX

        It was a real honor to be able to give you the award, Cookie.

        • Cookie_Monster

          Me sure me have thanked you elsewhere for putting awards together, @GaryX:disqus, but thank you again. This one of things that make AV Club feel like real community.

          And with that, everyone on site get “Community” newswire alert.

      • K. Thrace

        But think of all the cookies you’ve gotten to eat along the way! What better mark of a life well-lived could there be?

  • Czar

    BOO TODD’S GIRLS DEFENSE! Afghamistam should have won that category.

    • LtNOWIS

      I don’t watch Homeland or follow the reviews, but I did read that comment thread when considering my vote here. And I’d like to point out that junior enlisted to captain in 8 years is entirely realistic, and is in fact pretty close to the norm. So is civilian to captain in 8 years.

      1) Leave active service, go into the reserves, become a full time college student in ROTC.
      2) Spend 3-4 years getting a degree.
      3) Upon graduation, you’re a 2nd Lieutenant.
      4) After 4 years of lieutenant time, you’re a captain, barring serious incompetence or crime.

      So while the larger point about realism in shows being secondary to drama is valid, the complaint about realism wasn’t even accurate to begin with as far as I can tell, which kind of reduces the impact of the comment.

      • PhonyPope

        There was a Jeopardy answer recently that made me think of the avclub – the category was Ordinal something

        “The rank below Captain”
        “What is FIRST Lieutenant”

    • flowsthead

      I thought Fourth Side of the Eternal Tri’s defense of Mad Men was pretty amazing. I voted for that.

      • Renaton

        I voted fot that one. I don’t even love Mad Men as much as I used to, but that was incredibly elaborate and detailed.

      • Scrawler

        That was awesome.

      • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

        How the hell do you people remember these things? I don’t remember what I posted the day before.

  • Jean-Luc Lemur

    Your picture choices are perfect, Gary X. Many thanks for doing this—I’ve honestly been looking forward to these results all week and they did not disappoint.

    (And to everyone who voted it was an honor for one of my comments to be nominated).

    • Scrawler

      HDB’s picture made me laugh sooooooo much!

      • K. Thrace

        I loved Gary’s picture for you! It is so perfect, and so handsome!

        • Scrawler

          It is my favorite thing.

    • mratfink

      your comment should have won! Lights Please was a comment from 2011! shenanigans! i call shenanigans!

      • Scrawler

        Agreed. think about it from time to time just when I feel like a laugh.

      • GaryX

        It was late enough in 2011 that it counts. Much like comments that late in the year will count for next year.

        It was hard to pick a comedy winner for me personally between it, Jean’s, and the pretty much perfect “Far Side: The Movie” comment.

        • Scrawler

          Yeah that Far Side one was amazing. But JLL’s was my favorite.

  • wolfmansRazor

    Yee Yee cracks the top 20!

    • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

      I remain convinced he didn’t just nominate himself 100 times under 100 different email accounts.

  • Ayatollah Colm Meaney

    The narcissistic part of me wishes to have been up for Best Username/Avatar, but at least it went to the very commendable choice of HBO CEO Of Tits. Good for you, champ!

    Couldn’t be happier with the winners of the Commentariat! A fine selection, the lot.

    Gary X, superb job banding us all together for this. Please make it an annual tradition for us to grumble about, divide into a two-party system, and operate in daily gridlock.

    • The Hero of A-C

      HBO CEO Of Tits needs an asterisk because the REAL winner is Aurora Boreanaz!

      Now HBO just needs a CEO

      OF COCK

      • Scrawler

        I’m still sad Battlestar Compactica wasn’t in the mix.

      • mratfink

        I too voted for Aurora Boreanaz. that is my favorite combo. though HBO CEO is pretty great

        • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

          Ditto.

      • double_hawk

        I believe I voted for HBO cause I felt it was more original than Aurora Boreanaz (being a family guy joke and all). Course i’m not really one to talk…

      • wolfmansRazor

        I nominated Some Kind of Munster, the only username/avatar that makes me smile every single time I see it.

      • HBO CEO of Tits

        There is a gimmick commentor on one of the game of thrones boards that goes by the handle “HBO Italian Janitor of Cock” who basically just tells stories in broken English of begging people to put more cock on the shows but being ignored. Its pretty amusing.

        • mratfink

          i do like the Janitor of Cock, because he just seems so apologetic but all he wants is a little more cock!

      • The Hero of A-C

        WHY DO I HAVE THE ONLY DOWNVOTE!?!?!? I’M #5, PEOPLE!!!!!

        • HBO CEO of Tits

          I downvoted you for suggesting I need an asterisk.

    • Dikachu

      I totally would have voted for you.

    • K. Thrace

      Next year you should nominate yourself and tell a few commenters to throw your name in the nomination. Shilling for votes seems lowly, but shilling for nominations is merely intelligent.

      • HBO CEO of Tits

        Or you could not shill at all and win on merit. Like a distinguished CEO.

    • DrFlimFlam

      For best user name period, I’d vote for you. For best avatar/name combo, Boreanaz wins.

    • Pervy Obit

      I thought I was delusional in thinking at a chance at that category, and it turns out I was correct because you, of all commenters, were not nominated.

    • Gjetostbuster

      Whatever happened to John Cougar Concentration Camp?

    • reckoner

      Yes, this must become an annual tradition

    • Cookie_Monster

      You still young, Ayatollah, you have long career ahead of you. There plenty more awards to win. Look at me – me start commenting in mid-2000s, before Discus, before even avatars. Me use assumed name because me not sure whether Monster-American would be accepted by hipster douchebag community. But then me start posting as self, and me was embraced! And now look! Years later me win award!

      What me trying to say is, actually me not sure where me was going with this. Me already ate award and celebratory cookies and drank entire bottle of champagne and ate cork. So now me need to go lie down. But me love you all, AV Club commentors.

    • ElDan

      I’m a fan of Diarrhea Dump, personally.

      • Scrawler

        Has anyone heard from him? I’ve been thinking about his family.

        • The Hero of A-C

          I’m really hoping that he is home with them and holding them tight and that’s why I haven’t seen him.

    • HBO CEO of Tits

      Oh, you’ll get em next year, champ. I was very pleasantly surprised to my old mug staring back at me as I never in a million years thought I would win. As I am sure my distinguished competition can attest, it is truly an honor simply to be nominated, as I am sure you will find out next year. I assume your absence was due to the rather recent arrival of the Ayatollah Colm Meaney .

      I’d like to thank everyone who nominated me, and voted for me. I’d like to thank my colleagues in the well thought out user name/avatar combination business. And most of all, I’d like to thank former CEO of Emap (whatever that is) David Gilbertson, who’s grinning mug inexplicably and hilariously now comes up when you GIS “CEO of Tits”

      • GaryX

        I nearly used a different photo of David Gilbertson because there’s some really good/creepy ones of him out there, but I decided it did a disservice to your avatar.

        (Yeah, I reverse image searched it)

  • PhonyPope

    Miller should be higher on the Commenter of the Year list – and does someone want to explain “The Gerbil” to me?

    Also, I second the great pictures comment, especially Scrawler’s and the Todd’s Girls Drama one.

    • Scrawler

      I thought Miller was a mortal lock to win, honestly, so I’d agree. Also, I must be hallucinating, because I swear I remember ranking mratfink in that category.

      Still and all, Cookie truly is without peer.

      • http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard

        There was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster when I saw the (great) Leslie Knope Headlines had won best gimmick and Cookie had not, only to get to the very bottom and see Cookie’s big ol’ mug at #1 overall.

        Also, it was an honor to be nominated, etc. etc., but I couldn’t be happier with the folks that made it into the top 20. Bunch of super-wonderful ladies and dudes up in here.

        • The Hero of A-C

          Thank you so, so much for making these!!!! It was indeed an emotional rollercoaster as I scrolled down this page. I don’t think I voted for Cookie for gimmick because, as we all know, he’s not a gimmick – he’s the real thing.

        • Scrawler

          Indeed I was actually ready to fight that Cookie wasn’t the top gimmick winner. But this is so much better.

          • Cookie_Monster

            Me pretty happy to see Knope Headlines get recognition. And to see you at #2 Scrawler. In fact, pretty much everyone in top ten was someone me voted for. Cookies for everybody!

          • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

            That means a lot, seriously.

        • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

          Yeah, I was all ready to be ‘I was behind [BLANK] ? No one appreciates me!’ but Cookie winning is the best result-I mean who else of us got a national news story?

          http://blogs.sfweekly.com/thesnitch/2011/10/guy_called_cookie_monster_offe.php

          That said, anyone who voted for me really needs to reconsider things.

          • double_hawk

            oh holy crap I was unaware this happened!

          • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

            I think there was a newswire.

          • mratfink

            wow i didn’t know about that either (though i remember Cookie’s comment). that is awesome that it spread like that

          • Scrawler

            I actually saw it on a former co-worker’s FB page and got really happy and then wanted to reply that I “knew” that guy (or girl) and saw that original post when it happened. But I didn’t.

      • mratfink

        you weren’t hallucinating, or we shared a joint hallucination! I’m pretty sure there were 30 commenters nominated so obviously i was outside the top 20.

        • Scrawler

          There’s no one I’d rather be carted away to the looney bin with, honestly. So let’s hope it’s the hallucinating thing, because you are top-20 material, obviously.

          • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

            They’re coming to take us away, Ha-Haaa O-ho, hi-hi, ha-ha. To the funny farm. Where Life is Beautiful all the time and we’ll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats.

          • mratfink

            as said i am to not make the top 20, i was that happy to even be nominated. Also i learned today that Todd thinks i’m a “lovely person.” so how many people can say that?

          • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

            Todd called me worse than Lena Dunham last week.

          • mratfink

            also damn the fact that i refuse to risk registering with disqus and can’t edit my quick posts. grrrr. i meant to say “as sad as i am”

          • Scrawler

            Just you and Grrr.Argh. That’s awesome.

          • Scrawler

            Also, did you learn such a thing in a comment? Let us know so we can all go *like* it.

          • mratfink

            it is in the latest always sunny review. i was apparently the first person to stick up for Guendelsberger who was driven off the reviews by some extreme assholes. i updated my avclub profile with a link to the comment

          • Scrawler

            Awesome. Going now.

        • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

          I hated the nomination process. I couldn’t think of everyone.

        • GaryX

          All the lists had a chunk of them left out. Mostly to avoid ranking anyone or anything in “last” place and to make the lists a little shorter.

    • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

      Ironic given I actually look like Tom Hardy.

    • http://twitter.com/Evad_Dalrymp Unexpected Dave

      “Gerbile” was the award for Gimmick that should just stop already. I assumed it was named for that racist gerbil gimmick poster from a few years back.

    • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

      And ZMF should be way down. That carpetbagger hasn’t been a regular poster for years.

      • Scrawler

        Liked for use of carpetbagger.

        • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

          That term needs to make a comeback. I’m waging a war to bring back all 20s slang. It’s time.

          • mratfink

            i’m pretty sure carpetbagger is 90s slang. 1890s that is.

          • Scrawler

            Indeed.

        • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

          Even earlier probably. I remember it being in Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer.

          • mratfink

            well its a Reconstruction Era term. So yeah it is probably earlier. probably 1870s or 1880s. It was definitely still in use during the 1890s though. I’m not sure it would have still been around in the 1920s, though, i have no actual knowledge of this

    • GaryX

      The Gerbil was a gimmick account of a Gerbil that posted pretty much only Gerbil facts (at some point an Owl gimmick account would show up to scare him away, though I’m hazy at what point this started happening). Most people hated the thing, and as they voiced their hate, the Gerbil slowly started commenting back, revealing itself as a vile, hateful, racist gimmick account. At first, I–and I think a few others–kind of found this amusing until he just became a straight up racist and was annoying.

      • K. Thrace

        What’s sad about me is that I first started coming to the AV Club during that era. I found the Gerbil hilarious, and it was one of the reasons I stuck around. Then, as you say, the Gerbil turned terrifying. It was like owning an adorable rhesus baby monkey, only to wake up one morning to him trying to murder the cat.

        • Gauephat

          Or running around IKEA with a shearling coat.

        • Ellie can’t log into Disqus

          I liked that too (the whole thing – gerbil facts, descent into racist weirdness). It was interesting. Then again, I like trolls more than you guys, who are reasonable people.

          • GaryX

            Oh, I loved it, and I’ve seen many a troll in my AV Club time. He just had no game plan for it post-racism though yet stuck around anyways.

        • HBO CEO of Tits

          I enjoyed the gerbil, and I guess I missed the part where it turned all racist.

      • Cookie_Monster

        Wow, me had completely forgotten about Gerbil. Those were crazy times, man.

        • GaryX

          It’s weird and a little uncomfortable that I’ve been around the AV Club long enough to have seen good gimmicks fall to the way side. Still missing Black Bolt. And I remember when you could make fake accounts of people (Like Karatloz) because certain letters would look the same due to the typeface. It’s been a wild ride.

          • Cookie_Monster

            Icliotking actually around for pretty long time using that trick. Me do miss Black Bolt. Me forget lots of commentors from Silver Age – back when MBS still able to log in and ZMF rule roost.

          • GaryX

            So do we want to say that first group of comments were Golden Age then when it started updating daily it went into Silver Age? Or maybe Silver Age should start with the introduction of ZMF. Then Bronze Age would be some time after that (maybe starting with the departure of Pierce in 2010?) until Disqus which brought us into the Modern Age. Though I feel like Phipps departure might be epochal.

          • Cookie_Monster

            Me was thinking Bronze Age pre-daily-update, Silver Age ZMF/Tom Waits/MBS/We Want Film To Be Beautiful Not Realistic/Phel era, Golden age start with introduction of TV Club. Will Phipps departure end that? Me not know. But me monster enough to admit me little bit scared.

          • GaryX

            I think we’re definitely in the fourth era whether we use Disqus (which has admittedly changed the posting environment; I stopped trolling as much) or Phipps (depending on what happens).

            If we’re using comic standards though doesn’t it go Golden -> Silver -> Bronze -> Modern? Or do I have it backwards?

      • ElDan

        When the commenter who posted as The Gerbil revealed himself, it was a lot like finding out there was no santa for me.

        • mratfink

          wow i dont remember that happening. who was it?

          • http://twitter.com/Evad_Dalrymp Unexpected Dave

            Chico Von Guacamole outed himself on the dreaded “Reminder” newswire.

  • http://www.avclub.com/users/leavethesilvercity,114326/ leave_the_silver_city

    I’m disappointed that my comment about Dane Cook’s “joke” regarding the Aurora cinema shooting didn’t get nominated, since people seemed to have really liked that one, but these are all good nominees and winners. I have no real complaints.

    Oh, and for reference: http://www.avclub.com/articles/dane-cook-brings-dane-cooks-sense-of-satire-to-the,83065/#comment-599977273

    • http://twitter.com/Evad_Dalrymp Unexpected Dave

      That was a good one, and it started a whole thread of great jokes. To me, the best comments are the ones that inspire others (comedically or dramatically).

    • Scrawler

      That was a truly hilarious comment.

    • mratfink

      ha. that was a good one. i think with good comments you have to stump for them because it is so easy to forget

    • RepostedAvengedSevenfoldFan

      lol XD when i red the comment almost died laughing, was rly good. i bet kids will copy it around or something

      -gurgir, 2 days ago

  • Grrr. Argh.

    This is truly the best dysfunctional family I’ve ever been a part of. My own is sooo overrated. Thanks Gary X and thanks for voting for me, people. Happy Holidays, favorites!

    • The Hero of A-C

      I suggest another group hug, but the last one quickly became an orgy, so I’m just going to suggest an orgy instead. Cut the middleman, right?

      • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

        You say this like it’s a bad thing.

      • Scrawler

        Starts unbuttoning … Let’s do this thing!

        • Cookie_Monster

          Way ahead of you – me already not wearing clothes!

      • double_hawk

        alright fine but just as a heads up I didn’t get much sleep last night so don’t get mad if I fall asleep right after *unzips*

      • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

        *Puts on lava lamp, takes off shirt, dances around a little*

        • DrFlimFlam

          Those are my mother’s vaporized remains!

          • Scrawler

            It’s OK. I already ate her ghost.

        • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

          So that’s why she didn’t move around a lot FlimFlam.

      • Pervy Obit

        Orgies are my favorite AV Club pastime.

      • HBO CEO of Tits

        /passes around coacine
        Who’s got the X?

        • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

          *sprinkles in bellybutton*

  • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

    Speaking of hating the winners…how the hell did I get in the top 4? What is wrong with you people????!!!!

    • The Hero of A-C

      I’ll slap-fight you and take your top 4 spot.

      • Scrawler

        You are all in the top five of my heart.

        • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

          *BARF*

          • Scrawler

            You’re outta the heart now, Dom.

        • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

          Oh don’t be like that. I love you too, that comment just called for snark.

          • Scrawler

            OK fine. You’re back in. But you’re on double-secret heart probation.

        • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

          Like you could ever stay mad at me Scrawls.

        • Cookie_Monster

          That why she win nicest award!

      • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

        You had me at the vicious slap beating.

  • Rembrandt Q. Einstein

    Congrats to HBO CEO of Tits but I’m still bitter that Male Toilet Symbol With Shadow didn’t get nominated for best Avatar/Username combo.

  • http://twitter.com/YeeYee187 Festivus Yee Yee

    MOTHERFUCKER I HATE YOU ALL

    • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

      Awww we hate you too!

    • ElDan

      It’s ok, Yee Yee, 20th place is just the 19th loser. LOL

  • http://twitter.com/YeeYee187 Festivus Yee Yee

    CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES, THIS TRULY IS MY LAST RESORT

    • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

      Hey I voted for you! Last, but still I actually bothered to rank you.

    • Barnitosupreme

      CUT MY LIFE INTO PIZZA.THIS IS MY PLASTIC FORK.

      LOTS OF CHEESE. REHEATING
      DON’T GIVE A FUCK IF ITS CARBS THAT I’M EATING.

      • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

        This is the last we’ll hear of Yee Yee. I predict we find his head in the oven wearing a Santa hat and a greasy wifebeater on the 27th.

        • The Hero of A-C

          …what are you going to do with his body?

          • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

            Have him stuffed and mounted.

    • RepostedAvengedSevenfoldFan

      papa roach rules epic music epic lyrics

      -panagiwthsprodromou, 1 week ago

      • Barnitosupreme

        HOLY SHIT, YOU’RE BACK!

  • Renaton

    THIS IS MY LAST RESORT wuz robbed! We’ll never be able to use this meme in context again!

    • Scrawler

      It got my vote.

      • mratfink

        and my axe!

        • The Hero of A-C

          And my replica of Sting! (This is seriously one of my favorite things about you)

          • mratfink

            comments like this make me sad that i don’t live in the same city as some of my favorite commenters. (which yes includes you Hero)

          • GaryX

            Wait, who has the replica of Sting? You, Hero?

          • The Hero of A-C

            No, @fbe18df55aae92e5eb5bc563a1abaa4c:disqus has it.

        • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

          And my 3 foot statue of Clint Howard!

        • K. Thrace

          Wait, @fbe18df55aae92e5eb5bc563a1abaa4c:disqus now I know that your name is Matt. Between your and Buzz’s reveal, we now know each other too much.

          • GaryX

            Fortunately, no one knows my name so long as they ignore my twitter handle.

          • mratfink

            the deuce? how did this happen? hmm. well it didnt reveal my full name. though i suppose the last name portion isn’t terribly hard to guess…

          • The Hero of A-C

            I’m going to facebook search every person with that first name in the greater [LARGE CITY] area.

          • The Hero of A-C

            Next thing you know, we’ll find out what your “K” stands for!

    • GaryX

      It’s a good one. I just don’t think it has quite the exposure of all the other ones which limited its chances.

    • K. Thrace

      It was LAST RESORT’s last resort.

  • Renaton

    YAY at so many of my favorites making top 10 commenters, but so many in the top 20 deserved top 10 is gets competitive and hard to choose.

    • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

      I snuck in and ruined your day!

      • Renaton

        Hum, I don’t know who you are.

        • Scrawler

          He’s E. Buzz Miller in other form.

          • GaryX

            Skrull E. Buzz Miller.

        • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

          I’m the Clark Kent version of E.Buzz Miller.

      • Renaton

        You were in my top 5, you son of a bitch!

  • Antoniooo

    The Dawes meme won despite the fact that it by far has the lowest percentage of being funny when somebody busts it out.

    • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

      The Dawes meme should have died after the holiday undercover last year.

      • Scrawler

        But that was before the Parenthood appearance!

        • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

          Once NBC notices something it has to be played out.

          • Scrawler

            But the comments about that were soooo good.

        • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

          I actually never saw them, having never actually watched an episode of Parenthood.

          • Scrawler

            I never have either, but Todd mentioned Dawes being on on the show in some other post and I went over to check it out. Also, I think they eventually did a Newswire.

      • Rembrandt Q. Einstein

        DAWES NEVER DIES

    • DrFlimFlam

      Every time someone refers to that sweet Laurel Canyon sound I die a little. Even if I don’t read the comment.

      Now I’m mostly dead.

      • GaryX

        I googled “laurel canyon” first and only got some shitty pictures. It was terrible looking.

        So naturally I then went for “emotional Christian worship.”

        • The Hero of A-C

          I almost peed myself when I saw that picture. You really nailed these.

    • FroggytheSmack

      I certainly got sick of it after a while but I look back on it fondly.

  • Barnitosupreme

    My ego was a bit shattered since I didn’t even make the the top 20.

    • mratfink

      me either buddy. we can manfully cry together where no one can see

      • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

        You mean tearjerk?

    • Senor Spielbergo

      Same here. I only hope Hollywood keeps lazily/grittlily rebooting things so I can continue to use my “The folks at the studio want _____ with attitude. He’s edgy, he’s
      “in your face.” You’ve heard the expression “let’s get busy?” Well, this is _____ that get biz-zay! Consistently and thoroughly” comment.

    • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

      This is because none of you are as awesome as me. Work on this.

    • DrFlimFlam

      Take heart on making the list at all. It means lots of folks think you’re neat. Keen. Swell. Infected.

    • The Narrator Returns

      You were in my Top 10. I am unsure why HipsterDBag had to steal the spot that was rightfully your’s.

    • http://twitter.com/jake_poops the kid

      here, here, though i have no idea how i was nominated. i thought i was somewhat disliked at the avclub.

      • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

        I’m indifferent. I still can’t figure if you’re a gimmick or not.

        • The Hero of A-C

          No wonder the Kind Commenter award was named after you. OH SNAP!

          • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

            I still don’t get this. It’s tough love. Like beating someone with a bag of doorknobs for their own good.

      • Scrawler

        No! You’re just teased as representative of all the indie kids in our lives. But you’re obviously liked.

      • reckoner

        nah, you’re like our scruffy kid brother

      • DrFlimFlam

        I have a little brother in college. I’m used to it. And by it I mean you.

    • RepostedAvengedSevenfoldFan

      if i met you in person i think i might die. if i got a photo with you i will treasure it for the rest of my life and it would be my profile picture forever haha.

      Posted by its_your_fuckin, Sep 20 2012

  • Scrawler

    Gary, the picture you made for me is the finest holiday present I will receive, hands down. I was laughing like a loon when I woke up to check these earlier (and then my phone died).

    I feel that this justifies my editing my “fuck you” post in the Best Movies feature to explain myself, even if I should have just let it stand.

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart to my whole online family. No exaggeration when I say you make my life better and richer every single day. I feel continually lucky to have found you.

    Also, I had a dream when I fell back asleep that I was having to explain to my cats that Hero’s cats and CaptchaReader’s dog beat them in the AVC Pet Commies AMD they were all upset.

    • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

      I need to mention my beagle more.

      I agree with all this. You guys are a ray of sunshine on any day.
      You’re always there when someone needs it, able to break a gloomy day with a joke and the best people to discuss pop culture with ever-and I include real friends.
      Also I’m glad you won the award named in my honor (for some reason I still don’t get).

      • Scrawler

        I had no idea you had a dog!

        • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

          You never asked. Yeah, I got him one time I was really alone. He’s the best companion.

          • Scrawler

            What’s his name?

          • The Hero of A-C

            What’s your cat’s name? (IT CAME UP ORGANICALLY!)

          • Scrawler

            Eartha Kitt! (And Ninja)

          • The Hero of A-C

            I’ve been looking for a way to get you to say that for quite a while.

            Thus: *clears throat*

            I had sex with Eartha Kitt in an airplane bathroom!

          • Scrawler

            Hero’s into bestiality!

          • The Hero of A-C

            I put the BEST in BESTIALITY

          • Scrawler

            Spelling fail.

          • The Hero of A-C

            http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/bestiality?s=t

            …I really am obsessive-compulsive.

        • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

          Copper. My niece named him after seeing The fox and The Hound.

          • ganews

            I named our beagle Penny. When she had puppies with the neighbor dog, I dubbed the one we kept “Copper”.

          • mratfink

            my first dog growing up was a bassett hound. he was the best. he won a contest once and danced on the dugout at a phillies game with the Phillie Phanatic to “You ain’t nothing but a hound dog.”

          • Scrawler

            That is so awesome.

          • mratfink

            he also may have been responsible for the Philadelphia Leash law since he walked down the aisle at a wedding. (he wasn’t invited)

          • Scrawler

            Hahahahahaha! I’m sure that couple laughs about it now, even if they didn’t back then.

          • mratfink

            they laughed then! he walked down the aisle and plopped down right in between them! it was the father of the bride, who was on city council, that didn’t laugh…

          • Scrawler

            That’s adorable! That guy must be heartless not to have loved it.

          • mratfink

            well he was on the City Council of Philadelphia…

    • The Hero of A-C

      I feel: 1) sad for your cats 2) inordinately proud that my cats are winning imaginary online contests because they are that awesome.

    • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

      Here’s my dog if anyone’s remotely interested. https://twitter.com/DomKing456/status/234622873828995072

      • FroggytheSmack

        Awwww! He’s adorable.

      • Scrawler

        Awwwwwwww!

      • The Hero of A-C

        https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/47258_10100258337032435_1785562_n.jpg

        My cats are holding hands because they love each other.

        • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

          Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

      • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

        Most adorable thread ever! Pet party!!!

      • Scrawler

        My cats. They don’t hold hands. This is why they’re losers.

        • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

          They’re great!

        • mratfink

          good on you for taking in black cats. i’ve heard from people that black cats are super underadopted because of superstition. so good for anyone who has black cats

          • Scrawler

            Yeah that’s why we got the first one (Ninja, on the right), because we’d heard the same thing. The other one (Eartha, on the left) is actually dark grey. But she’s his mom, so we took her, too (a week later).

          • mratfink

            now that i think about it, i probably heard about the underadoption thing from you. full circle!

          • The Hero of A-C

            I have a friend who is the director of a shelter, and they ran a special on orange and black cats around Halloween. I was kind of surprised but I guess if you have to fill out an application and all that, you probably aren’t going to sacrifice it to the devil.

        • GaryX

          I have no pets to share.

          This is my ideal/future dog:

          • Switterspart2

            Good call, Gary. Huskies are great dogs. Here’s mine:

            http://twitter.com/switters665/status/271014947662753792/photo/1

          • Scrawler

            Wait, I can’t see it! But I do love huskies. My favorites are boxer’s though.

          • SwittersSucksAtTechnology

            Okay, trying again. http://t.co/j5GuPSEQ

          • Scrawler

            Oh sorry. I could see your. It was Gary’s I couldn’t. Adorable!

          • GaryX

            Well, it’s actually not a husky; it’s a shiba inu. An apartment in NYC would still be too small for a husky. I can’t a dog until I have an apartment with a backyard, though, as it just seems cruel otherwise. Also I have to work a lot, so I don’t know how that would work out. Maybe need to find a job where I can bring it to the office (if only).

          • SwittersAgain

            Ahh, I see now. Small picture, black and white, and my obvious husky prejudice clouded my vision. When I found mine (he was a stray) I was in an apartment, so he lived in one for 3 months. It worked out well for him because going on walks is his favorite thing in the world, and he got to go on 4 a day. But yeah, I agree. big dogs shouldn’t be cooped up in a apartment. That said, I had a great dane who was a giant house dog who hated the outside.

          • Scrawler

            I worked at an office once where people brought their dogs and it was wonderful. I swear we were all more productive for it.

          • The Hero of A-C

            “Dog at work” is great until my boss’s dog farts in my office and then runs out of the room, leaving me to stew in a putrid cloud of dog fart.

      • reckoner

        my dog is best because she gets, gets, gets, gets, gets, GETS DAT PAPERRRRR

        • The Hero of A-C

          AWWW I LOVE THIS

          • reckoner

            I wish I had some of the Christmas “portraits” to put up. Every year my mom puts a different Christmas costume on her and takes a photo to give my stepdad as a present. She looks miserable in every single one of the photos, too.

    • GaryX

      Glad you liked it because I had to awkwardly explain to a coworker why I was sifting through photos of “Tom Hardy shirtless” and realized “Oh, it’s for this internet thing…” probably wouldn’t cut it.

      • Scrawler

        Hahahahha!

      • K. Thrace

        Please tell us what explanation you actually came up with.

      • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

        Yeah sure you were. For ‘an awards’. RIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT.

      • FroggytheSmack

        You did such a great job with everything. This was a blast!

    • OldTownGail

      That picture of Tom Hardy has made it impossible for me to notice or comprehend anything else happening on this page…

  • Senor Spielbergo

    Next year I’m definitely winning most improved odor!

  • mratfink

    Great job Gary X. That top 7 or so commenters was pretty much the exact same as what i put down (slightly different order, same names).

    • FroggytheSmack

      Mine were very different! Some of the people at the bottom were at the top of my list, but this whole thing was such a blast and I laughed my ass off to see that Cookie Monster won!

  • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

    Just realized I’m unable to comment on here with my AVC name and that now people can see who I am and that my name sounds like it’s made up anyway.

    • The Hero of A-C

      Your name is code for “Christian Grey.”

      • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

        You haven’t perused the list of my very confused Twitter followers.

    • DrFlimFlam

      It took me a second. It’s like using a decoder ring.

    • Cookie_Monster

      Me still not able to figure out who you are.

      • mratfink

        look at the top 4. eliminate yourself and the woman. flip a coin.

  • ChicaneryTheYounger

    Not even a nomination?! That’s it, I’m DONE!

  • Electric Dragon

    “Jean-Luuc Lemur” – nice.

    I think we may already have a contender for next year’s Best Comment – Comedy/Musical with Rappin Jake Sisko’s effort for The Visitor.

    • Cookie_Monster

      RJS was robbed!

    • Scrawler

      I was going to start a Jean-Luuc Lemur gimmick account, but I’m afraid of Disqus.

    • Jimmy James

      It’s his fault for erasing the timeline in which that comment occurred.

  • RepostedAvengedSevenfoldFan

    My life fucking rules, bro. Get stoked on it.

    -gamuelaboratory in reply to StupidSmartieSmokers, 7 months ago

    • K. Thrace

      You’re here! Does this mean the AV Club let you back in the clubhouse?

      • GaryX

        Nah, I’ll have to ban him/her in a bit just to keep the commenting arc similar. Unless this is just AV Club-2.

        • K. Thrace

          If you ban him/her, I will write you the same strongly-worded email that got ignored by the AV Club. I used words like “disappointing” and “community spirit”!

  • Pervy Obit

    I find this version of disqus to be off-putting and newfangled.

    Anyway, hell of a job with this Gary. Though I am disappointed you didn’t use your efforts as a way of guilting people into putting you at the number 1 spot.

    • Cookie_Monster

      Also, some peoples Discus account seem to be connected to AV Club account, but me not able to get that to work.

      • Scrawler

        Disqus is a frightening creature. Don’t tempt fate by trying to mess with it.

  • reckoner

    LESLIE KNOPE HEADLINES I LOVE YOUUUUU

  • Mercadier

    I mostly just professionally lurk outside of the occasional Avatar retrospective. But you are all lovely people and the enjoyment I get out of the commentary equals if not exceeds the article itself. Really, everyone is a winner!

    But in another, more accurate sense, Cookie Monster is the winner.

    (mad props to Gary X for setting this up and having some restraint when padding his own votes)

    • GaryX

      I didn’t pad! I swear. I actually thought of just cutting myself out of it entirely.

  • madbeatnk

    I’m still upset that mohdtafiqterrorist didn’t get a nomination in “AT&T of Commenters” Do you people genuinely enjoy that the first comment on every inventory is “This reminds me of a tentacle rape video that’s only available in Malaysia.”?

    • The Hero of A-C

      I think it’s because at this point I’m so programmed to ignore him I forgot about his very existence.

  • The Taco Bell bell

    BONG

  • Ley

    I enjoyed ranking and judging you guys from behind a computer. Here’s to next year’s edition!

  • Czar

    Hey Gary, how did you make this site? Another site I’m on wants to do something like this.

  • Natalie Portmanteau

    I’m trying to find a line to the “HipsterDBag weighs his life decisions and finds himself wanting” and “Fourth Side of the Eternal Tri’s defense of Mad Men” posts. Any help would be appreciated.

2012′s 2011 Awards: The Winners
Best of the Year Awards, Round 1: The Winners
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Best of the Year Awards, Round 2: The Winners