What the Hell Have You Led Me To?

Well, we’ll see how this goes.

So every year, the staff at the AV Club makes a list of the best of things, and we like some of it and we hate the rest of it. Often, we supplement it with our own more accurate lists. We even do this before the end of the year list makes its way around, so I thought “Hey, why not make our own award lists where we have no one to blame but ourselves!” Thus, I’m suggesting the first ever AV Club Commenter Awards: The AV Club Commies.

Now, I know what you’re saying. “But, Gary X, that sounds like a popularity contest!”

Yes. That’s exactly what democracy and freedom are. Good criticism, terrorist. What I’m suggesting is that we nominate items in various categories for about two weeks. Following that round of nomination, the items are then narrowed down to a set amount of winners (this number I’m not sure of yet, but partially comes from the amount of interest we have). This way, we have a wider list that allows things to get in that might not have otherwise, no one can accuse me of placing my own favorites in the running and we all get more to complain about when so and so doesn’t make the final cut. I’ll likely be using a 3rd party polling software to gather data that way it’s easier, but we’ll see what ends up being best. Below I’ve written out the preliminary dates and categories for the awards, but please add or critique what you think the awards should be via either a comment on here (our disqus overlord commenting system works!) or as a reply on the AV Club proper.

Preliminary Dates:
Nomination period: November 19  – November 30
Polling period: December 1 – December 18
Awards: December 19 – December 23

Preliminary Categories:
2012’s 2011 Film of the Year
2012’s 2011 Album of the Year
2012’s 2011 TV Show of the Year
2012’s 2011 Game of the Year  (NOTE: These first four are concerning media that you were a year late to, for whatever reason, but still found yourself enjoying immensely in this final year of our civilization. Yes, it’s also ripped off from Giant Bomb. Suck it.)
Best Use of the Big Red No
Favorite Commenter
Favorite Gimmick/Character Account
Gimmick Account That Should Really Just Stop
The SIIIIIIIIIIIMS! Award for Most Clueless Reviewer
Most Improved Commenter
Best Film Review
Best TV Club Reviews
Worst TV Club Reviews
Most Insane “For Your Consideration”
Best Use of O’Neal (or Best Newswire)
Best Evidence for Todd VanderWerff’s Slipping Hold on Sanity
Best Use of the Big Butt Book
Best Feature
Best New TV Show
Best TV Character (More for a character that won’t win an acting award but is a fan favorite nonetheless)
Best Film Soundtrack
Best Game Soundtrack
Best Actress in a TV Show
Best Actress in a Film
Best Actor in a TV Show
Best Actor in a Film
Book of the Year
Album of the Year
Game of the Year
Episode of the Year
TV Show of the Year
Film of the Year

There’s probably more that could exist, and some of these are likely to get cut. These are just the ones off the top of my head.

Oh, and obviously, this has no official affiliation with the AV Club, so don’t sue me Phipps. Please.



  • http://www.facebook.com/samhuddy Sam Aronow Huddy

    Best Hijacking of the Tolerability Index Comments Section?

    • GaryX

      That could be good! For the best subthread in there, right?

      • double-hawk

        Thats my thinking

      • SisterMaryFrancis

        It’s going to be food, hands down. You can’t hate on food.

        • double-hawk

          *narrows eyes, adjusts bow tie*

    • Scrawler

      Ohhhh I like this one!

    • http://twitter.com/Evad_Dalrymp David Dalrymple

      Don’t make me choose between Sweet Clam and Meadow Enthusiast!

      • madbeatnk

        RandomActsOfCostanza gives them both a run for their money

      • joaquinstick

        Could a split vote mean a win for Tarkovsky’s Former AD? Stay tuned for the answer (“no”).

    • double-hawk

      This is literally my first thought when I was reading through the categories

  • worker201

    Least favorite gimmick poster – all of them.

    • http://www.avclub.com/users/merve,96925/ Merve

      Don’t you dare speak ill of Cookie Monster!

      • Carl Hungus

        gLut

      • Echos Myron

        Cookie isn’t really a gimmick poster any more than Wax Tom Cruise is. Yeah, he stays in character, but he still actually adds to the conversation.

    • joaquinstick

      Urrite. Only because having to be right all the time can come off as rude.

  • james joyce

    idi amin, best gimmick

    • Jean-Luc Lemur

      Reposted Avenged Sevenfold Comments, best gimmick (deceased)

      • joaquinstick

        And now, a tribute to commenters we lost during 2012 . . .

  • LoveWaffle

    The SIIIIIIIMS Award for Most Clueless Reviewer has to go to Dyess-Nugent and his South Park (Classic) Reviews.

    And that’s also a show-in for “Worst TV Club Reviews” if that’s open to classic reviews.

    • Barnitosupreme

      I thought Sim’s SNL reviews would win.

      • LoveWaffle

        Clearly you have not read the South Park (Classic) Reviews.

        • GaryX

          This is your personal vendetta, huh?

          • LoveWaffle

            Partly. But when you go to those reviews, read the comments section, and realize the majority of the comments are about how bad the review is, I think “personal” is underselling it.

    • Optramark

      If ever an award was created with a winner preordained, this has to be it. I swear, sometimes PDN has to just be trolling in those writeups.

    • The Narrator Returns

      I don’t read those reviews, so my vote is going towards Kevin MacFarland’s American Dad reviews. He’s only written four, but he doesn’t seem to understand what the show is really about (then again, neither did Rowan, and he had the extra minus of consistently underrating it in favor of Bob’s Burgers, which, to be fair, I also love).

    • Franko

      I’d like to throw my hat for PDN’s Teen Wolf reviews.

  • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

    How do we send the votes in?

    Also should have a worst commenter.

    • flowsthead

      Too many. It would have to be worst regular commenter.

      • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

        Me!

      • maizekraize

        LOBSTERS!
        FISHLIPS!
        DAFFY!
        DICK!
        LOBSTERS!FISHLIPS!DAFFY!DICK!
        LOBSTERS!FISHLIPS!DAFFY!DICK!

        • Jean-Luc Lemur

          Disagree! Read the Daniel von Bargen comments and have your mind changed. Plus, he’s great when talking about music from the seventies and early eighties and I like the variety he injects. He’s just a guy who’s at odds with the Club’s opinions on a lot of things.

          Jim Treacher, on the other hand, is a bona fide troll.

          • Barnitosupreme

            I like lobsters somewhat too!

        • The Narrator Returns

          Yeah, Lobsters has his moments. JimTreacher doesn’t even belong on this site. He doesn’t have a sense of humor, he’s a dickwad to everyone on the site (including Scrawler, for chrissakes), and he sounds like a Yahoo! commenter who got lost on his way to site.

        • maizekraize

          @Barnitosupreme:disqus THEDEVILISASISSY.COM

        • The_Primordial_Dr_Zoidberg

          Gavemeacookiegotyouacookie

        • GaryX

          Wait, he’s not the real Jim Treacher, is he?

          • edkedz

            I’m pretty sure he is.
            (This is my “everywhere else” Disqus account that I carefully keep my AVClub “edked” account un-merged from.)

          • zebbart

            Good idea. When I realized that there is no way from keeping people on the religious sites I comment on from clicking my avatar and seeing the random dick jokes and whatnot that I post on AVClub I started feeling a lot less comfortable with disqus.

      • The_Primordial_Dr_Zoidberg

        No contest. It’s Guy With Tourette’s Syndrome. He talks about his therapy sessions and tries to make everyone feel guilty all the time. And he ends every comment with a :) or a :(. *Shudders*

      • madbeatnk

        MohdTafiqTerrorist, but you knew I was gonna say that.

      • tracer_bullet_private_eye

        What about sconn? He aggressively shitted over the Mad Men comment sections, and said something bad enough in the Chris Brown review comments that multiple people ranted against him and he never showed up on the site again. The comment was deleted though, so I couldn’t see what it actually was.

        • http://twitter.com/Evad_Dalrymp David Dalrymple

          The comment is back up now, if you’re curious.

    • GaryX

      Eh, I think the Worst Gimmick will work. I don’t want to turn into a straight up hate fest on anyone. I’ll consider it though.

      We won’t vote yet. When the date gets closer (read, when I’ve decided how to do it), I’ll post a FAQ. I’ll have some kind of poll (like something from surveymonkey or similar, probably) that’ll handle the voting.

    • The_Primordial_Dr_Zoidberg

      I like the idea of commenter Razzies.

      It should be “Worst Comment of The Year” and not “Worst Commenter” (even though, as I’ve proudly displayed below, it sure is a lot of fun to talk about.

    • GaryX

      I think we’ll do a variation of worst:

      “The AT&T of Commenters”

  • Enkidum

    I kinda like this. And Gary, you win the one for best-commenter-who-slowly-morphed-from-a-straight-up-troll-to-a-kinda-cool-guy-after-multiple-versions-all-numbered.

  • http://twitter.com/Evad_Dalrymp David Dalrymple

    We need a separate award to recognize weekly comment features from the non-Gimmick posters, like the Narrator Returns’ DVD roundup.

    • The Narrator Returns

      Oh, you’re too sweet.

  • fieldafar

    lolwut

  • Dorian Mode

    This may be too similar to “Best use of O’Neal,” but how about Best Headline?

  • Barnitosupreme

    Article of The Year
    Best New Site Feature

  • ShrikeTheAvatar

    Can we get a Best Comment category? Just so I can nominate that one about Jonah Hill starring in The Far Side: The Movie.

    • zebbart

      At the very least there should be best Best Comical Comment and Best Serious Comment, maybe framed as Comment That Made You Laugh The Most and Comment That Made You Think The Most.

  • MaizeKraize

    I’m going to have to step my game up to win best gimmick account.

  • http://www.avclub.com/users/leavethesilvercity,114326/ leave_the_silver_city

    Most insane For Our Consideration is probably that one about Grimes which I still don’t fucking know what it was about. Unless that was last year.

    I know we’re not voting just yet, but I wanted to put that out there.

    • GaryX

      Actually, while I agreed with that when it happened, I feel like, months later, this article from HIpster Runoff, of all places, made me realize what it was talking about. Despite it’s shitty writing, it’s a fairly poignant piece about the state of music criticism: http://hipsterrunoff.com/2012/10/how-indie-finally-officially-died-broken-indie-machine.html

      • http://www.avclub.com/users/leavethesilvercity,114326/ leave_the_silver_city

        I don’t understand Hipster Runoff and the style they adopt over there (I’ve visited their site a handful of times in the past and found it off-putting). But I get what that article is saying.

        Also, my favorite line: “People are so eager to adopt to a meme these days that some fat ass Korean guy is now the most famous person on the planet for mastering the William Hung act.”

        • GaryX

          Yeah, I generally find it pretty annoying and the site itself incredibly ugly, but I couldn’t disagree with its overall point.

  • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

    I’d like a good AV Club Citizen Award that’s separate from the poster of year.

    Basically to someone who always advises people who need it or just need someone they can talk to about stuff, encourages others, stands up for someone when they might feel ganged up on, and is generally just someone who is always a pleasure to have/be around.

    • Barnitosupreme

      Grr. Argh?

      • http://twitter.com/DomKing456 Dom King

        Ain’t gonna lie, this was a transparent attempt to win an award.

        • GaryX

          “Best E. Buzz Miller Commenter”

    • http://twitter.com/Power_Lloyd Superdeformed

      ZMF

      • Cloks

        YOU BETTER FUCKING BELIEVE IT.

    • man-in-the-moon-man

      Gee, I wonder who would win the nicest commentor award. If only there was somebody who posted all the time and was always nice and supportive. Somebody with global appeal.

      • HBO CEO of Tits

        It is an award designed for scrawler to enjoy.

        • Cookie_Monster

          Well that end up being prophetic.

          • GaryX

            CEO of Tits and the future.

    • zebbart

      I’d pick Malingerer for that one.

  • TwoBigMilkshakes

    I nominate SamR for best commenter of all time. This isn’t his Disqus account.

  • Bad Horse

    2011 TV Show has got to be Breaking Bad s4. Or are we only doing shows that premiered in 2011?

    For 2011 games, I’ll go with Skyrim, but I could also be persuaded to make a case for Portal 2 or Arkham City.

    I know it’s not the best album of 2011 as such, but I have listened to Hurry Up We’re Dreaming a couple dozen times, so I’m voting for it.

    • GaryX

      I’ve loved Hurry Up We’re Dreaming ever since I first listened to it way back in High School

      The idea for the 2011 categories are items of entertainment that premiered/were released in 2011 but you either didn’t discover until this year or (in the case of games at least) kept you playing into 2012.

  • zebbart

    How about Most Missed Commenter?

    • samecircle

      Lobst–HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh god i’m sorry. I just can’t do it.

      • madbeatnk

        You mean Daffy Dick, of course.

    • http://twitter.com/Evad_Dalrymp David Dalrymple

      Lindseyfunke. Sniff.

    • http://www.facebook.com/pablo.podhorzer Pablo Martin Podhorzer

      A certain guy that does not like incest comes to mind.

      • http://www.facebook.com/pablo.podhorzer Pablo Martin Podhorzer

        Or could be “Guest”, that one posted a lot.

    • Monte Hellmans Mayonnaise

      I didn’t realize this was going on, otherwise I would have nominated Phel and danrimage. ::sobs::

  • zebbart

    Oh I’d love to vote on Best Username/Avatar too.

    • Jean-Luc Lemur

      Seconded

    • Dikachu

      My money’s on Dipster Hebag or Ayatollah Colm Meaney.

    • GaryX

      Good idea. I’ll throw this one in.

    • tracer_bullet_private_eye

      Definitely Ayatollah Colm Meaney.

    • zebbart

      My favorite Username is Staggering Stewbum by far. My favorite Avatar/Username combo is the one with the conjoined twins and the name is something like “the one on the left.” Of course my favorite avatar by itself is my own for purely personal reasons.

  • http://www.avclub.com/users/merve,96925/ Merve

    Most Disappointing New TV Show
    Best New TV Show

    And for Gameological: Best Steve Heisler “Out This Week” Entry

  • The_Primordial_Dr_Zoidberg

    I approve of this, @GaryX:disqus .

  • Alien Jesus

    Damn! This is so impressive. Congrats! You have made everyone at AV CLUB proud.

    • GaryX

      Well let’s hope so! This domain cost me 8.99 after all.

      I was going to just go for .xxx but it turns out that’s 99 bucks. Seemed a bit much.

      • http://www.avclub.com/users/leavethesilvercity,114326/ leave_the_silver_city

        Holy shit a .xxx domain costs that much?

  • http://www.avclub.com Kyle Ryan

    I love this.

  • JoshModell

    Y’all commenters is crazy. I love you.

    • GaryX

      We love you too, Josh. Except for that one review you did.

      You know the one.

      Jerk.

  • http://twitter.com/davidlsims David Sims

    Jeez, I better at least be in the running for my own award

    • GaryX

      I’m not going to lie, Dave. The polls aren’t looking good. It seems that although your recognition factor is high, the scandals of your administration continue to haunt you.

      • http://twitter.com/davidlsims David Sims

        i never should have reviewed season two of episodes

  • http://twitter.com/lackofself John Roberts

    I (SCRATCH Acid) would suggest something along the lines of “Best Commentator” but more along the lines of when they registered. That way, the originals from ’08 would have their category while relative newcomers would have theirs.

  • http://twitter.com/lackofself John Roberts

    What about best Newswire/Use of photo?

  • jrobie

    I have nothing constructive to add (which will surprise no one) but I think this is a great idea, and I’m looking forward to seeing how it plays out.

  • Mookalakai

    I would like to nominate myself for some sort of Excellence in the Field of Lurking Award, which I naturally will not be receiving in person.

    • HBO CEO of Tits

      leaving this comment immediately disqualifies you for any lurking awards.

  • oldnumberseven

    Dear Diary, Heather told me she teaches people life… She said “Real life sucks losers dry. If you wanna fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly.” I said, “So, you teach people how to spread their wings and fly?” She said “Yes.” I said, “…You’re beautiful!”

  • fieldafar

    Like all good award presentations, the Commies will need a graphic package. Now I’ve took the liberty of creating something for the awards. It’s a work in progress, but I really think this could work.

  • Guest

    No flat out Best Comment of the Year? I’m surprised! I thought that would have been a given.

    Also I freaking love this.

  • WaxTom

    Wait, no Best Single Comment of the Year? I thought that was a given.

    Also I freaking love this.

  • madbeatnk

    Can we suggest categories? I’d love to nominate someone for “comeback commenter of the year”

  • tracer_bullet_private_eye

    Favorite Commenter would be Scrawler with the slightest of edges over Craig J. Clark and Cookie Monster. Sorry, it wasn’t an easy choice.

    Best TV Club reviews, assuming five nominees, I would choose Vanderwerrf’s Mad Men and Community reviews, Bowman’s Breaking Bad reviews, Heisler’s Parks and Rec reviews, and (dark horse!) Harris’s The Middle reviews, even if no one reads them. If I had to choose one, I would choose Bowman’s Breaking Bad reviews, if only for her handling of the anarchy in the comments section.

    Favorite Gimmick or character account would be Cookie Monster I suppose, but the account has been around so long that it kind of transcends its character gimmick. If Cookie Monster is not eligible in this category, then it would go to Leslie Knope Headlines for me.

    2012’s 2011 film of the year has to be Margaret, since it was released in 2011 but nobody got around to seeing its greatness (the uncut version in particular) until 2012.

    I love this. Kudos, GaryX.

    EDIT: Oh, and I don’t know if someone has suggested this already, but there should be a category for Best Troll. I would suggest Bellona, considering the decline of Lobsters aka Fishlips aka Daffy Dick.

    • zebbart

      Strong second for Leslie Knope Headlines as best gimmick.

      I’d probably name Mad Men as best TV reviews, simply because that show is so opaque that I actually need some help figuring out what’s going on and why it matters, and those reviews help immensely. I am not a smart man.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pablo.podhorzer Pablo Martin Podhorzer

    I am a recognized commie, so I should win.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pablo.podhorzer Pablo Martin Podhorzer

    Best Sesame Street gimmick account Award (is a shoe-in, we all know who he is).

  • Echos Myron

    Gary, as the producer, you should get to make some awards by fiat…

    “Accepting the award for Lifetime Achievement in Being a Meme…

    Frank Darabont’s Original Script!”

  • Boy Lilith

    Hi kids.

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